What are the different attachment styles and what do they mean?
Attachment theory helps us understand the way we build intimate relationships with others based on our early life experiences.
There are four different attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious/preoccupied attachment, dismissive/avoidant, and disorganized/fearful avoidant. Secure attachment is the most common type of attachment in western society. Individuals with secure attachment are typically more aware of their feelings and are able to express them in relationships. They also tend to build relationships that are long lasting and meaningful. Anxious attachment is one of the three insecure attachment styles and is often due to inconsistent parenting in childhood. In intimate relationships, an individual with anxious attachment tends to have a strong fear of abandonment and need for reassurance in order to feel secure. They tend to seek intimacy and closeness in relationships. Avoidant attachment roots from a childhood where parents were typically emotionally distant and did not tolerate expression of feelings. Individuals with avoidant attachment may struggle with building long lasting intimate relationships. Individuals with avoidant attachment tend to not build any deeper relationships, but usually are social. The relationships they do build tend to be surface-level because they avoid closeness and intimacy. Disorganized attachment typically develops from a childhood that was inconsistent, fearful, and sometimes abusive. Individuals with a disorganized attachment tend to have traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment, which can be difficult for them to process. In relationships, they tend to crave intimacy and closeness, but pull away when they feel the relationship is connecting on a deeper level. Although disorganized attachment has similarities to dismissive attachment, they differ because individuals with disorganized attachment do actually want a relationship. In relationships someone with disorganized attachment may self-sabotage because they fear rejection.